The panic attacks have abated. In fact, they've gone.
Now, it's essential to remove the phobias which have created this.
Bedford to Flitwick didn't happen.
Flitwick to Bedford to Flitwick to Bedford to Flitwick to Bedford did though.
It was easy.
However, trying this again a couple of days ago, I exposed the underlying phobias which created
thefirst panic attack.
I'm going to have these things removed from me starting this week.
When they're gone, they won't come back.
Then we can keep the right profile all the time.
The de-realization has abated.
Things don't seem surreal or dream-like anymore.
I've got so much built up anxiety + now is the time to remove this.
I only wish I'd done this such a long time ago.
So how am I?
I mean, things are making sense again now.
I am James.
I want to be healthy.
I want to be a photojournalist.
I want to see my friends.
I want to see the world.
I want to photograph the world.
I want to be able to drive.
I want to be able to go anywhere I desire.
I want to live in London.
I want to live in Paris.
I want to live in Rome.
I want to live by the sea.
I want to live.
I want to have children. I want to see them.
I want to make the world brighter each morning.
I've felt utter despair.
I don't need to, + probably won't, end up back there again.
The next few months could be the hardest of my entire life.
I need to change so many things.
I need to change my diet drastically.
I need to change my exercise habits.
I need to change my sleeping patterns.
I want to stop smoking + will do so soon.
I need to focus.
Panic disorder created so many negative thoughts.
Most of them, if not all of them have disappeared.
I have to consciously try to remember what I was thinking at the time.
It's actually a lot harder than you'd think. Trying to remember a really bad habit from only a few
weeks ago.
The world is opening up again, + soon I will go home.
In a year, I'll be moving back to London. Healthier than ever before.
I want to crash out by the river with my iPod on, totally free of fear + worry + anxiety, with
only a melody in my head, with the sun belting down on my convalescing body, my soul immersed in
love.
Only I have the power now to sort this out.
I am still alive.
I am not beyond repair.
The physical problems will heal themselves quickly if I put the right things into place.
Soon, this life sentence of anti-acids + anti-spasmodics + multi-vitamins will come to an end.
I'll be able to go anywhere + do anything I desire.
I am confident now that this will soon be all over.
No more 'why me' syndrome.
Self-perpetuation is not the answer.
To take your own problems + never deal with them is not the answer.
I can see myself healed, at my grandmother's house, eating a meal late at night in the not too
distant future.
I can see there is light at the end of the tunnel, + although the tunnel is still incredibly long,
there is hope.
Life is a question of hope, caring + positive change. Without that, you're fucked.