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Posts archive for: April, 2006
  • title-767327

    Once you see the problem, you can eradicate it.

    I created this myself. I chose to allow this to happen. I remember allowing myself to have the first one.

    I will destroy this.

    Whatever I create, I can destroy.

    I thought it was about mending something that had broken. No. This has been habit. The habit has been created, therefore it can be destroyed.

    I am the only person in the world with the power to destroy all my panic.

    I will be sat on a train in 9 hours. I will ride a few stops. I can do it.

    I will be getting further away from my comfort zone which ends somewhere near the back of Ampthill.

    Step One. Bedford to Flitwick.

    If I feel the panic coming, I will destroy it.

    There is no panic. It is fear of fear. Remove the fear + there is no panic. Indefinitely.

    I don't know if it will be easy. I don't know if it will be a nightmare.

    In essence, there are a few things I already know from panic which I do not need to fear.

    1. I will not die.
    2. I will not pass out.

    My head might want to make me think that something bad is around the corner.

    No. I refuse to allow this. If I feel it coming, I will control it. I will shape the fear into the worst panic attack I could possibly imagine.

    I am ready for this.

    Then we laugh it off.

    Transcend the fear. Control, mould + shape it how I wish. Destroy it at its beginnings.

    My head cannot hold me prisoner anymore.

    I've red + been told so much rubbish about panic, it's been difficult to focus.

    In the last few days, I've become optimistic. Yesterday, 'when I am fixed'. This morning; 'soon', this afternoon; 'next week', now: tomorrow.

    I will get on a train tomorrow.

    Step one. However bad it's been, that's as bad as it ever got.

    No, I'm not mad, but this truly is all in the head.

  • Epiphanize.

    I've been living with panic disorder 10 months, but as of today, I no longer suffer from it.

    This panic is not determined by taste, touch, smell or sight. It is not relative to situation, location or isolation. It is not dictated by any extraneous factor.

    My panic was of my own making.

    I am no longer going to empower these panic attacks. They have no more concern. I am looking forward to the next one, whereupon I will destroy it at its very roots.

    I am going to London on Saturday, free from any kind of drugs or intoxicants which would prevent me from feeling anything.

    No longer empty + frantic, like a cat tied to a stick.

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